I don’t forgive betrayal. There I said it. My struggles with resentment and self-righteousness are rooted in betrayals by those I have loved and trusted. I pray for an open heart. A few years ago, I served as friend and mentor to someone by sharing my experiences and advice. I was betrayed when this individual compromised my safety and that of my child. (Betrayal blues) I still have not forgiven this person. I pray for the open heart to do so. I stay praying.
On Holy Thursday, the Gospel and Mass call us to reflect on Jesus and the washing of feet. Jesus’s act of humility is met with resistance. Peter tells Jesus, “You will never wash my feet.” Peter has respect for his teacher. He doesn’t understand why he’s on the ground washing others’ dirty feet. Jesus tells them he is modeling how they will live. Peter may be a potential leader but he has not learned that true leaders are servants. Jesus even washes Judas’ feet. Jesus knows Judas is his betrayer. Washing his feet won’t change that. Yet Jesus serves him in the same way he does for all the disciples.
People will turn on me and disappoint me. I have to serve them. I struggle with being a servant for everyone. I will be civil and polite but I will bear a grudge. I pray that I can be a humble servant to all. I pray that I love those who are not equipped to love others or even themselves. May my love help inspire others to serve the world.