I once took a photography class and I used to like to watch the images slowly show up on the film. One minute there was slick white paper under the red lightbulb of the darkroom. The next, dark shapes were outlined, then gradually filled in as the chemicals went to work.

I never did learn how to do sepia prints. But I know how to live them.

It has been a long time since I have mourned any great loss. Years, really. The cynics of the world probably consider a dog’s life just that–an insignificant existence of a less important kind. Funny how those same people are the kind that made me appreciate my dog, his life, and my own so much more. It makes sense that Koko’s absence is profoundly felt.

Today I felt myself walking as if weighted down by invisible burdens. I overslept. I did not exercise. I ate though I had no appetite. At some point, the sky turned blue but it could not lift my spirits.

Still, I know these emotions will pass and I will move past them as I have moved past so many changes, doubts, and disappointments in this year of transition. These sepia moments will be replaced by stark blacks and whites or vibrant colors. That does not reduce their value. Days like this have taught me everything I know.