In my 20s, I spent many a weeknight in loud, smoke-filled clubs, dancing till 6am, coming home and sometimes going to work the next day without missing a beat. One time, I even set the alarm for 3am and went to the club in my jammies. These days, I’m usually asleep by 10pm but I can manage a late night on a special occasion. The Bride’s farewell to singledom was last night and we danced to old school and rap until 2am. Today I feel like I got hit by a forklift.
Late nights create hangovers. You feel the same body and headaches. You feel nauseous. You are cranky and moody. I personally find myself lethargic on every level. I can’t bring myself to pray, exercise, or laugh very much. And yes, feeling awful results in thinking awful.
Why is it that happy occasions often leave me feeling sad? Why do I start to doubt myself so easily? Today I feel fat, unattractive, and uninteresting. I feel like no one will ever be “that into” me. I wonder if I will ever have a bridal shower. It’s stupid, probably the result of exhaustion and dehydration, the aftereffects of an interrupted sleep cycle. Still, they are very real thoughts.
I’m supposed to head out again tonight, to Devotion’s Pride celebration. If I go, I will dance and carry on as if today’s mood swing never happened. But what will tomorrow bring?