From audio transcription
After August 18?
I just woke from a nightmare. At the end, my brother and I heard my voice on a tape recorder playing back. The chandelier was shaking. Things were moving on their own. There was some kind of presence in the house. Now I’m freaking out and worried. You know who I worry about. I just want him to be okay.
I’m having a hard time sleeping. It’s the fourth night I haven’t gotten any rest. I’m that much more tired, that much more on edge. I have to get back to sleep.
Got some bad news today. One of my mom’s close friend’s daughter is brain dead.
“Sigh.”
I woke up with the chills.
Archives
Dream recollection 13: The reunion
Transcribed from audio recording
Early morning Friday, August 3rd.
I dreamt about B. Just woke up. B and I were hanging in T’s classroom on the first day of school with C.C., whom I haven’t seen in years but he looked like a kid and A.A from Drama. I recognized his bad teeth and bad skin. There was a hospital bed in the corner of the room. We joked about it because every guy I know has those same sheets (Star Wars?) including my ex Nice Guy. B said he had those, his brother did, and T’s brother did. He said he was going to lie down.
T. was outside where kids were playing tug of war. I told T. I was excited she was going to yell at the kids. I went back in the room. 6 kids were there, A in the corner, C. at a desk with another boy, and 3 boys at the back table.
B and I were talking, I don’t remember about what, but there was an understanding I was with someone, I assume Soldier. A. threw a cigarette at the couch where I was sitting with B. B. was on my left. I said, “Hey buddy you’re looking really good.” His hair had grown back. He was still very thin but he wasn’t jaundiced or pale. I touched his arm. It was bony. His clavicle was prominent. He said he had a “pacer,” a white machine strapped to his waist.
“But you look good. Do you need to lie down?” I pointed at the bed.
Sparks flew.
“What the hell was that?” The couch had lit up. C. and his friend were playing with a chemistry set. Like cartoon TNT, everything started lighting on fire.
“Brett, get the fire extinguisher.”
He did but it fell apart in his hands, a box full of white powder, not foam.
I grabbed it as the fire spread. I sprayed the chemistry set, the couch, everything else. I put the fire out as T. walked in with her class.
I made myself wake up by saying aloud, “I was dreaming about B.” I wanted to make sure I noted it.
I miss B. It was a good dream because he finally came to me and we talked and everything was ok.
At one point in my conversation with him, I think I referred to my significant other as “my husband.”
6something
Feeling better. B. is here. He came back to me. He was smiling. We were laughing. Everything was ok again, even with the little fire.
For some reason, we had conversation about Monica Lewinsky, Chandra Levy, and Gary Condit. Bizarre.
Going back to sleep. Maybe I’ll find B. again.
Dream Recollection 5: The visit
approximately 3:30am, June 27, 2007
My brother and I are in my parents’ house. The garage looks the way it did when we were kids, with the high ceiling and the huge door that swung open. I am perplexed because Brett has been posting new blogs on his MySpace which is strange because he never had one. I comment that it reminds me of Tupac, how after his death “new” material was released. My brother says the person running the page must have access to a journal. However, a recent post thanks everyone for their show of support for his girlfriend and family. I am telling my brother how mystified I am(and I use this word in the dream) Iam. My brother assures me all is well. Just then, someone approaches the half-open garage door. He bends down and enters the garage. It is Brett. He was wearing khaki shorts, a t-shirt, and a red cap. He smiles.
I wake up, surprised, yet not. I had turned over a larged framed portrait of Brett to our Athletic Director earlier in the day so he could deliver it to the family. I also brought home the video and my own framed photo of Brett. I get up from bed, walk into my office, and look at the photo. I say, “Good to see you, old friend.” I return to my bedroom. I am mystified.
Dream Recollection 7: The Exodus
June 18, 2007
Around 10pm
Society has broken down. Nothing is the way it used to be. There are no lights. No cars drive down the streets or freeways, which have become walking paths for wandering bands of people. There is an occasional plane or truck. People count coins, even pennies, in hopes of getting transportation.
We are sleeping in abandoned buildings, living off potato chips and other packaged junk food snacks. There is little water. Our lives are about survival. We fight off thieves and murderers. We are forced to steal moments of emotion: tears, sex, fear. There is always someone dead wherever we go.
We(my loved ones and I) are split into three groups and we are hoping to reunite. Soldier and I are separated but somehow he has warned me that there is a killer in our midst.
It is nightfall. I am with my brother, my sister in law, and Brett’s brother Jeff(though we call him Mark in this dream.) Jeff won’t go to sleep and wants to stay up and watch over us. As I finally doze off into uncomfortable sleep, a fight breaks out in the darkness. The dogs are with Soldier’s group so it is us against this stranger. I want to scream but can’t. A knife shines in the moonlight. My brother wakes up. It is hours before dawn.
I wake myself. My heart is pounding. Outside my house, a lone frog croaks. I feel like I’m not alone. There is a presence. I decide to sleep with the lights on. When the alarm rings at 6:30am, the lights blaze.
Mujer Evolving 