“..we found you lying
Choking on the dirt and sand
Your former glories and all the stories
Dragged and washed with eager hands
But, oh, your city lies in dust…” “Cities in Dust” by Siouxsie and The Banshees
A terrible situation I have experienced for many years recently ended. (Year of milagros) Though I claimed I would samba in joy, I didn’t. Nor did I throw confetti, pop bottles or make it rain. Certain routines feel awkward. Certain places bring back memories. The reality of victory is simply that, a reality. Life has moved forward quietly.
I do ask if it’s really over. I wonder if my work with this particular situation is done.(My second career as an exorcist)Call it PTSD (though I don’t like to, given my personal experience loving someone with true PTSD) or shock, I have moments when I brace myself for more fighting. After years of experiencing abuse, it will take time to resolve these reactions.
I wonder about the other party. Has this person reflected on choices made and actions taken? Can this person heal? I don’t have it in me to truly hate this individual. Deep inside, underneath layers and strata, yes strata, of God only knows what, this person is in so much pain. It is a pain so visceral and so overwhelming that it has terrorized others for decades. That’s some mierda. I will continue to lift this person up in prayer. Fix this person, Jesus.
Though I say “icant”
or “I’m unable to can”
for a laugh or to keep from cursing on the daily, I know I can. Taking on a malicious individual has taught me that I can stand strong. I can fight back without compromising my better self. I can win.