The changes in my world

“Sounds of laughter, shades of life

Are ringing through my opened ears
Inciting and inviting me.
Limitless undying love, which
Shines around me like a million suns,
It calls me on and on across the universe” The Beatles
Dearest B,
This morning, it feels like a hundred years have passed since you died and yet it seems I talked to you last week.  As a matter of fact, I talked to you on Sunday during that last mile of my ninth half-marathon.  I asked you to help me do it. I told you I wanted to quit.  Every time I want to give up on something, whether it is running or work or any other challenge, I talk to you.  In death as in life, you continue to be a coach. You push me and I am grateful.
My world has changed so much. I am the happy mother of the most amazing child.  She knows you as her uncle in heaven. I know you would have liked her. 
I am still teaching across the boulevard for the cross town rival. While it is a dark, demoralizing time for most teachers, and I can’t lie and say I don’t struggle with low morale, I still love what I always loved: the kids, the books, the conversations.  When I get too assistant principal with my students, I try to channel you and be more of a coach and more of a kid. 
The greatest change is that I embrace life.  Life used to be such a struggle for me.  It is ironic that I had to lose so much before I could finally love this great gift of life.  I am humbled and grateful. 
I know you are well. I like to picture you driving that gold Camaro down the Pacific Coast highway, blasting LL Cool J. 
With love,
JC

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