I am in love with a stranger. I have never seen this person. I don’t know much about my new love except family history. I am his (or her)mother. I love the new life within me.
I am approximately 3 months pregnant. My baby is developing well though his presence has challenged me physically and emotionally as progesterone and estrogen course through my body. I have a baby bump(so my mom is convinced I’m having a boy) but I haven’t gained too much weight. My morning sickness has been terrible though it’s made me appreciate fresh air, popsicles, and Blues’ patient affection. Now that my parents know, my journey should go much more smoothly. Meanwhile, my baby and I grow closer despite the months and body parts between us.
For the first time in my life, I feel truly whole. It’s funny how I did all this work to recover my mental and physical health, to heal my relationship with my mother, to get myself together, not knowing my greatest love was about to emerge. Everything has been preparing me for this miracle. And nothing can compare in terms of joy, contentment, and wonder.
The night I found out, I had taken part in an evening Mass downtown. It was the Feast of the Holy Family and I prayed to God to do his will. I didn’t know what to expect though a part of me knew. I was filled with so much awe when I saw that test result. The conversations began the next morning.
I tell the baby my thoughts and feelings. I sing early Beatles songs. I include the baby in my daily prayers. I wonder and wait. I love.