I still wonder if everything will turn out well for me. I want so badly to be well. I want so badly to feel as happy and strong as I was before the events of this past year. On some days, I feel whole and I am renewed by the new tools I have obtained. I am full of hope.

But other times, like this cold afternoon, alone in my big house, my left leg hurting again in that old bruise, tears in my eyes and throat, I feel damaged, vulnerable, weak, lost. I want to close my eyes and be someone else, someone who didn’t allow others to have so much power over their life. I want to not be a borderline personality. I want to be happy.