How do you know if you really know someone? If you can really trust them? How do you know if you matter to someone? How do you know if someone really cares about you?

It’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon. My depression is minimal. My anxiety, however, is steadily increasing. Does it have to do with my insecurity, which for now, seems buried beneath layers of grief, strength, and will power? Or does it have to do with this still open gash in my heart and soul, my grief over a true friend I can’t seem to stop wishing I could talk to again? The symptoms have returned: the shakiness, the edginess, the lump in the throat, the rapid heartbeat, the feeling of panic.

The last time I saw my Play Brother, I asked him for romantic advice. He said, “Don’t panic!”

Pray for me, Play Brother. Watch over me.