Back in the day, the kids used to joke that if The DJ told me to jump, I’d say “how high” or “off which bridge.” There was a time when The DJ would speak and I would loyally do what he asked. For the longest time, this is a pattern in which I have actively participated: I have made all sorts of herculean efforts to maintain a friendship or relationship. Last night, I decided it was time to do for the one person I always take for granted: me. Rather than getting back out on the bridges across the Bay for the third time in 24 hours, in my car that belches smoke like an aging dragon, I decided to stay home and sleep.
The automatic thoughts, of course, tried to overwhelm me: He’s going to hate you. Now he’ll see you’re not such a good friend after all. No wonder you’re alone. No wonder Romance and Ambivalence have disappeared from your life.
But I know better. I am a wonderful friend. I go above and beyond for people all the time. I do it from the goodness of my heart. My true friends know that I am there for them. I have to take care of myself first and foremost.
A true friendship endures. But it also evolves. If my unwillingness to continue to be SuperWoman is seen as a sign of disloyalty, so be it. I can be my own best friend.