I’m getting closer to that old familiar place. This beautifully blue afternoon, I am feeling like completing forgetting my zeal for getting back out there. I am inching closer and closer to forgetting my mission for 2007 and picking up a samurai sword a la Kill Bill. Except I don’t get to drive off into the sunlight with my child. Alas, my dilemma.
Where do I turn? I get back out there and meet someone who jokingly offers to father my child and/or whisk me off to romantic Europe–after only one date. I try to turn on my underused cablight and I get dorky white guys asking me to dance in the club as I pine away for the cute Filipinos. The only men who seem to truly appreciate me are: my married brother, his collection of frat brothers(most of whom are married and/or off-limits), my dad, my gay best friend and his partner, and a philosopher/bon vivant/soldier I’ve never met in person(and lives on the opposite coast). When I go on dates, I’m told I’m amazing and impressive and even beautiful. I know I am all these things. But how do I find someone who will mean it for longer than two weeks?
Still, I suppose it’s good I reentered the land of singledom. My short-lived fling with Romance beats my usual crushes. I saw Beautiful last night and that old yearning reminded me of the time I have wasted time and deprived the universe of my presence. Better to experience than to stagnate.