In amber

Sometimes I wonder if I wasn’t flash-frozen in time. I was a teenager pining away for that stuck-up boy in Algebra, Michael Garcia(not his real name) or my best friend from 10th Grade, Warrior. Boom! The volcanic eruption blew. The meteor crashed. The glacial waters flooded over. I was fixed in place, preserved in suspended animation like so many prehistoric bugs. My heart belongs to a different geological period.

So often, the greater part of my love life is spent in infatuation. I like someone who usually is just not that into me. I like him for a while and then I move on. This past year, I went from liking no one to crushing on Paradox(which in the words of Izzy, burned me badly)to now when I’m double-crushing: Beautiful and San Jose. With Beautiful, it’s like lyrics to that PM Dawn one-hit wonder: I’m just a corner in the back of his mind. When we’re partying with the crew, he pays some attention to me. Then that’s that. With San Jose, I have yet to establish a pattern. He came on strong a few weeks ago. Because I have absolutely no skills in handling compliments/attention from gorgeous men, I panicked and had no reaction. Now he’s distant or maybe he’s simply being professional. In both cases, I’m the one who gives the longing looks.

Don’t mind my mood. I’m adjusting to a completely different era.

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