Why an e-card does not equal a phone call

My Dating Commandments are proving to be a new source of energy. Suddenly I’m deflecting bullshit like I have a big S on my chest. No excuse, alibi, or half-hearted explanation works anymore.

Scenario 1: I go on a date with someone I am just not that into. He makes no move and does not call the following day. Before I leave for my trip, I call him. (yes this was before I came down from my dating Mt. Sinai with my Dating commandments). He gives me some b.s. about how quickly I ran for my car. Then he freaks when, later in the conversation, I admit, as nonchalant as ever, that yes, Virginia, there is social disease in my colorful history but I have a clean bill of health now. And no, no one will ever take an electrocuted wire to your nether parts even if you were to contract said bug(don’t you love how people flatter themselves?). Upon my return, he emails asking for my number which he claims he lost. Uh-huh. This morning, I get an email asking if maybe I’d be interested in going out again. Uh-uh. I respond by saying he can call and I can look at my schedule. Translation: I’m just not that into you.
Scenario 2: Geeky boy finds me on MySpace. Because he is bespectacled and Asian, I finally IM him. We have two IM conversations in which he just can’t seem to ask for my number or ask me out. He tries to ask me out via IM. I remind him of that invention called the telephone. He sends his number. I remind him of that invention called the man must do the asking. He asks for my number which I send. He does not call. Four days later, he sends a sappy e-card with the top 5 reasons he couldn’t call. They include dead battery, bad reception,hectic work schedule, nerves, and my personal favorite, he looks more like Bobby Lee than John Cho. Uh-huh. He also includes a P.S. saying he still wants to ask me out. Uh-uh. I delete the e-card and stay off IM. Translation: I’m just not that into you.

Will men ever learn? If I can stop hiding behind teenagers, they can stop hiding behind bullshit and the computer. In the meantime, I have buildings to leap over in a single bound.

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